Two Beyonce shows and a concert documentary later, my year of renaissance is complete. I’ve come a long way from feBLUEary, my birthday celebration where I jokingly grieved not being able to see Beyonce or Frank Ocean this year, to seeing Renaissance live twice and going to the concert film (still no Frank Ocean). That Creole lady has gotten my coins and my one year “Friend of the Beyhive” membership is coming to an end. I’ve learned so much about myself, my boundaries, my beliefs, and my dreams. A year of growth with pressure? I’m grateful.
I won’t spend too much time on Renaissance and its impact because Google did. 🙂
Keep em waiting like ……
(whispers) Renaissance was my first Beyonce concert. But she was worth the wait.
The week of my birthday (February 25-add it to your calendar), Renaissance tickets went on sale and I was convinced that I couldn’t get tickets. I didn’t receive an email to get a code and I knew the stadium would sell out. In typical Pisces fashion, I turned my despair and sorrow into a cutely designed pity party. I present to you, feBLUEary, my two day birthday celebration to grieve the fact that I wasn’t going to see Frank Ocean at Coachella and Beyonce*.
But luckily my friend Nicole received a code and purchased our seats, so I kept the theme solely because I sent the invites out to friends across the country. (Shout out to my friends who sent photos of them taking a drink in my honor. Y’all are the real MVP’s.)
My first stop (and initially only stop) was in Nashville. But when I arrived, my seat didn’t give me the experience that I thought it would. My section didn’t seem excited to be there. I didn’t even feel confident in my outfit. So, I took the extra money I saved for the Nashville concert and bought another ticket to St. Louis. There’s no way I’m seeing Beyonce for the first time and my experience is anything less than ideal. I had high expectations and if the first didn’t deliver, I’ll wait for the second one. Spoiler Alert: St. Louis felt like a family reunion of sorts.
Patience. That’s the lesson. There’s power in timing and power in waiting.
I was convinced that I couldn’t attend because I didn’t have the right codes and qualifications, but all I needed to do was wait. This lesson from Renaissance can easily be applied in other aspects of life be it promotions, opportunities, relationships and missed dates. Those moments that I felt were mine truthfully weren’t because it just wasn’t my time. I needed to wait.
In life, you don’t have to settle. But for the good things, you will have to wait.
I see it, I want it. I stunt…I dream it, I work hard, I grind till I own it.
Having a history of being a go getter and a goal setter, sitting complacent has never been my thing. For some odd reason this year, I felt complacent and stagnant. I had this cloud of doubt over everything at the beginning of the year. From transitioning into a new role, to working with new clients and adjusting to new team members, nothing seemed to be right or enough. It didn’t feel organic. The work didn’t come natural.
But something clicked for me after seeing Renaissance live. I guess you could say I had my own renaissance? I saw the dream and now I’m working to make it my reality.
After the St. Louis show, there was a three week period when I was pulled to listen to one specific sermon from The Elevation Church titled “The God of Again.” Listening to this sermon over and over engrained the belief that I’m worthy, capable and honestly a badass. So, in short, I listened to a preacher tell me for an hour again and again that I was worthy of good things and ready to achieve more until I finally believed it.
This is me. No right way. No wrong way. It is only one way.
To accept who you are, as you are, is freedom. Like a F off fund, there’s a luxury and power in being comfortable with who you are and owning it.
Beyonce bottled this feeling of freedom into Renaissance in 62 minutes and 14 seconds, then spread the experience globally through a stadium tour. There’s something magical about screaming in unison with complete strangers in a stadium full of pride in who you are.
“I’m dark brown, dark skin, light skin, beige, fluorescent beige. Bitch I’m black!”
There isn’t a right way or wrong way to be yourself. After endless hours of self help podcasts listening to people share their stories, I’ve found that my story is on me to create. It took a while, but I’m finally feeling cozy with who I am.
Last year, I learned about the power of journaling and morning routines, thanks to an Umi concert. This year, I dove deeper into prayer and introspection to find that the validation I’ve been searching for has been within me. “Looking for something that lives inside me…”The road map, the blueprint. It’s within me already. Intuition, Introspection, and Prayer. That’s it.
“Finally on the other side. Finally found the urge to smile. Swimming through the oceans of tears we cried. You know we’ve got church in the morning. But you doing God’s work, you going in. She ain’t tryna hurt nobody. She’s just trying to do the best she can.”
Related: Rev. Dr. Kia Moore preached a great sermon on Church, Girl, Don’t hurt nobody.
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